Weddings

by Marriage Celebrant, Vlady M Peters

Want to learn more about weddings? Take a look at these articles written by Vlady

Did Casanova Really Need Those Oysters
Scientists are rubbing their hands together with glee. A recent study of underwater creatures proves conclusively that oysters have certain properties that could very well enhance performance in the bedroom. Thus it follows, say the scientists in great satisfaction, that Casanova’s reputation as the world’s greatest lover can now be put down definitely to his voracious appetite for oysters.

But did Casanova really need the oysters? Or did he simply like oysters?

Gretna Green Wedding
Since the beginning of time, Governments seemed bent on curbing the enthusiasm of the people they ruled. As soon as they noticed people enjoying themselves, it was let’s hasten to the House of Commons and see what we can do about it. Most particularly, they seemed to be for ever meddling with the matters of the heart, wanting to tell people how old they should be before they got married, what place they should select in getting married, and sometimes even what spouse they should choose in order to get married.

Best Man at a Wedding
Friday, 1st May 1835, Mr. Charles Dickens, the creator of “David Copperfield” and “Please, sir, can I have some more?” was the happiest of mortals. He had proposed and had been accepted.

By Saturday, 2nd May 1835, Mr. Charles Dickens was wrestling with that knotty problem facing every Groom. Who was he to choose for his Best Man?

Catch that Bouquet!
Throwing the bride’s bouquet, as well as catching the bride’s bouquet, has its moments.

Erratic brides have been known to underestimate their throwing capabilities and throwing the bouquet so far that no self-respecting person would bother to run for it. Or, as in playing squash, in the nervousness of the moment, bouquets have been known to be thrown at walls, windows, ceilings, and most disastrously, into overhead ceiling fans.

Wedding Cake - Is There Anything New Under the Sky?
Living in those areas of the world, and those historical times, where obesity rather than malnutrition is likely to figure in our conversation, it might be difficult to understand the preoccupation with food that figures so largely in all our celebrations.

The Night They Invented Champagne
In the dim past of the last century, good time girls like Marilyn Monroe always celebrated their moments of victory with a glass of bubbly.

‘I’m marrying a millionaire,’ she’d thrill. ‘Let’s have champagne!’

Courtship in a Cold Country, Coffee Anyone?
 Who, in their lifetime, hasn’t popped into a coffee shop to meet friends and loved ones, and after spending an hour or two drinking and gossiping, popped out again no worse for the experience?  

Wedding Day - No Greater Love
 When people think about great love stories, more often than not they’ll think about Romeo and Juliet. These, of course, were no more than two hormone-sizzling teenagers whose major fascination for each other was their parents’ opposition.

But here’s a real love story.

Bride's Wedding Dress
While through history brides have agonized over what to wear on their wedding day, usually looking good was never too far away from their thoughts. Except during the American Revolution and the American Civil War.

We're On Our Honeymoon, But We're Not Alone
Zsa Zsa Gabor – she of the ‘I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back’ fame –was planning her ninth honeymoon, she did have some problems.

Wedding Engagement - And How to Prepare for It
He's popped the question and you’re dying to tell someone. Without a second thought the two of you race like the wind to share the good news with your mum and dad.

Wait! Haven’t you read enough etiquette books to know that there’s a right way and a wrong way to spread your fantastic news? And the way you’re going to do it will bring you nothing but regrets.

Wedding Extravaganza
The extravagance of weddings is a popular topic. We blame it on modern commercialism. But then, what excuse could President Ulysses S Grant have for the money he spent on his daughter’s wedding?

Wedding Flowers
George W Bush became a President, John Quincy Adams was the first son of a President to become a President himself. But while John Quincy Adams lost that first, for him and his family there are still other firsts.

Throw a Garter or Two
The tempo of the music begins to rise. Drums begin to throb. The bride and groom rise. Yet another ritual begins. Removing the garter from the bride’s usually hidden leg.

Wedding Gifts
For better or worse, in people’s minds weddings and wedding gifts go together like a horse and carriage. Social reformers in the guise of religious reverends and ministers might rail against the excesses practiced by bridal couples, but their words fall on unheeding ears. Even governments, from time to time, try to curb the tendency by passing laws against luxury and extravagance. Invariably their influence is as transient as their own existence.

Weddings without gifts is a contradiction in terms.

Wedding Gifts - Wanted and Unwanted
It’s been suggested that presenting wedding gifts to the bride and groom goes right back to the medieval times where the Lord of the Manor was Lord of all he surveyed, including the people who lived on his estate. His quarrels were their quarrels, and if he went to war with the man next door, they had to aid and abet in whatever way they could.

One of the more pesky traditions that the Lord had come up with was that to celebrate his eldest daughter’s marriage, every tenant had to give the bride a gift of money. One can just imagine, with their level of earnings, how much the tenants looked forward to this event.

Wedding Guests
You hear them at champagne-flowing parties. You hear them in crowded trains. You hear them in bumpy buses. And much, much too often you hear them at weddings.

They’re a curse and abomination to many people everywhere, but to a couple about to be married, they’re the absolute limit.

Wedding Hospitality
When it came to hospitality, to the ancient Greeks it was the first commandment of life. Anyone under your roof, beggar or fool, became as a member of your family to be treated with generosity and respect.

Perhaps the greatest example of how highly hospitality was regarded in ancient times, can be seen by the actions of Hercules – that man of inordinate strength whose labours are legendary.

Love on the Internet
People are looking for life-long relationships in the most peculiar places. There’s the favourite haunt – the hotel. Here, the optimists imagine they’re going to meet a partner who never drinks or swears, apparently having accidentally stumbled into the hotel while seeking directions to the nearest church.

What's A Goldfish Doing at a Wedding?
Time was when you’d open a wedding invitation you’d find an understated high quality piece of parchment, with an uncompromisingly clear font, requesting, ever so formally, the honour of your presence.

One Word More or Less
Back in the days when pyramids were still being built, losing a war brought with it retribution. Since every nation, and even every city, had its own gods, the conqueror would sometimes adopt the vanquished foe’s gods and place them in his own arsenal of armoury. After all, was the winner’s thought, as long as the god was being worshipped, what cared he as to who was worshipping him. And you could never have enough gods on your side.  

Words you hate to hear at a Wedding
The bride was radiant, the groom sober, the father of the bride managing to look prosperous, and the children under five uniformly cheerful. In short, a perfect wedding. But as the bride and groom inclined their faces towards each other in that momentous ritual of a first kiss as husband and wife, there were those hateful words from some one pretending to be whispering, ‘That whole ceremony must have taken all of five minutes!’

Lucky! Lucky! Lucky! Bride and Groom!
Our forefathers (and mothers) were a fearful bunch. They worried that when it started to rain, it might never stop. And worried again that when the rain stopped, it might not start again. Similarly, while they lived in daily fear that they might become a snack for some marauding animal, they worried even more if the animal decamped and they lost their own supply of food.

Is She the One?
From the beginning of time, when a man was looking for his mate, at the back of his mind was the thought, am I choosing wisely.  

Staging a Wedding Play
Often a wedding is viewed as a minor stage production with the bride and groom as the stars of the play. In such an event even the celebrant has to be auditioned. Should it be a man or a woman? Is an older person preferred to a younger one? What proportion should they have. Short? Tall? Comfortably rounded or aesthetically thin?

Choosing the celebrant is actually the least of a couple’s problems. There are literally thousands of them panting for the opportunity to prove themselves.

Unaccustomed as I am to Public Speaking
Who doesn’t dread hearing a speaker at a wedding beginning with the words, ‘I’m not used to speaking in public.’ Inevitably this is followed by a long speech which proves the truth of the speaker’s opening remarks, or a very short speech which is also bad, but only for a short time.

Marriage Reforms
In the marriage reforms initiated by the Australian government, one thing became very clear, marriage as defined by the Australian Law, could never embrace the idea of a marriage between two people of the same sex.

History of the Wedding Ring
Once upon a time a caveman, while out for a walk, came a across a young woman. Struck by her beauty he immediately tried to get her attention by violently thumping his chest, his good imitation of Tarzan’s victory cry reverberating through the length and breadth of the forest.

His mother, seeing that he was receiving no reaction, said in disgust, “Oh, Billy, when it comes to women you have no idea. Instead of all that thumping and roaring, why don’t you give the girl what she really wants?”

Ring on her Finger and one through her Nose
Rings, as ornaments, have had a long history. Rings, as part and parcel of romantic history, not much shorter. Being so small, and yet so visible, it was inevitable that they should be seen as an external sign of affection, especially if they could also be judged as financially valuable.  

When Alexander Met Roxane - and Barsine
Though a world-tripper, it is believed that when Alexander the Great caught sight of Roxane, it was love at first sight. Considering that Alexander was conquering all the lands thereabouts, including those of Roxane’s father, it was fortunate for Roxane that he was so susceptible.

By the Light of the Silvery Moon
In their continuous quest for something new and different for their wedding, grooms and brides sometimes make the most awkward choices.

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride
Like the best man, in times past, there was no such thing as a bridesmaid who was married herself. The whole object of being a bridesmaid was to eventually achieve the status of becoming a bride herself. A girl who was being constantly solicited to be a bridesmaid, without ever negotiating to the next level of being a bride herself, was deemed to be doing something wrong. After all, she was out there, in front of all those eligibles, so why was she missing out in the bridal sweep stakes?

For Worse No Matter How Bad
At the height of the Black Plague raging during the medieval age, the one cry heard most frequently was, ‘Bring out Your Dead’. Death was so omnipresent that some cities lost ninety percent of their citizens. By the time the plague played itself out, neither church, nor government, nor the medical profession, was inclined to go out and succour the needy. They knew that exposure meant almost certain death.

Wedding Attendants
Caligula, like most Roman emperors, was ever at war with his senators. Inevitably they accused him of not doing the right thing by his subjects, being too extravagant in his own personal life style, and thought his morals or lack thereof, stank. He had an idea that if one of these days, someone slipped him some of those special mushrooms, they’d do their best to get along without him, thank you very much.

The All Important Colours
When it comes to selecting the right colour for the wedding outfit, the bride is not only bound by her own sense of what suits her, but the perceptions of others.

A Deeper Meaning
Seeing a good film, or hearing a great choir, or a wonderful film, we are often touched by the beauty of the whole, without actually thinking about all the details that go into making that perfect whole.

And nowhere are small details more important than in the production of a royal wedding dress. 

Often a Fiancee, Barely a Wife
Parents, in particular mothers, have a way of distressing their unmarried daughters with such remarks as, ‘When are you going to settle down and get married?’ or ‘I want to be a grandmother’ or the real body blow, ‘You’re not a spring chicken any more’ – like you haven’t noticed!

Here Comes the Bride
In America, last to arrive at the alter is the bride. In England she is first. But whatever the timing of the arrival, a wedding march has been part of the wedding ceremony ritual since the beginning of time.

Silence is Golden at Some Weddings
I first came across the word ‘Quaker’ in the film ‘Friendly Persuasion’. Gary Cooper starred as the Quaker, who now and then allowed the devil to get the better of him – in the nicest possible way. And then there were those liquid eyes and feckless smiles of the Oscar nominated Anthony Perkins. But for me, the most memorable of all, was the theme song, starting with the words, ‘Thee I Love’.

And You Thought You Had Problems
Another name for a wedding could be called the gathering of relations that you rarely ever see at any other time, and hope never to see again after the wedding. Often you must invite them not only because it’s the done thing, but also to keep the numbers up. If you’re going to put on a show, you want as many people as possible to see it. So it is with most people, even those living in castles and palaces.

Come One, Come All
Choosing guests to invite to a wedding is something of a diplomatic relation job. Some people do it in a workman like manner.

L is for Love
In the days where a father was unlikely to leave his young daughter alone with a suitor, the couple had to come up with a lot of imaginative communication systems which didn’t require them to actually speak.

For Better or Worse
Have you noticed how men, as in male, have a tendency to make a mouthful of what seems to the unhampered mind so simple?

Take marriage for example. There was a time, around the 1200’s or thereabouts, that couples could get married simply by stating the fact that they wished to become husband and wife.

Then men, who have such a thing about debating, especially the finer points of a word, decided that they needed a definition of what a marriage is, how one can recognize one when one sees it, and how to ensure that it is what it says it is.

Please, Please, Please Marry Me
For many, shopping has more or less become a reason for living. If you find yourself at loose ends on a Saturday afternoon, you go to the shopping mall. And while that’s not all that bad in itself, it’s inevitable that once there, you find you simply can’t resist buying something. And even that wouldn’t be so bad. But often, in the privacy of your home, you look at the article and wonder, what on earth where you thinking when you handed over your good money for an absolutely useless piece of merchandise.

A Lock of Hair
Victorian lovers, ever the sentimentalists, were for ever giving each other meaningful gifts.

Mother-In-Law
Times were when a girl married she not only acquired a husband, but also a mother-in-law. In those days the mother-in-law viewed her daughter very much like a personal slave. And it seemed, that the more the mother loved her son, the less fond she was of his wife.

Now, a lot of men really believe that their mum is next to Godliness. When their current girlfriend tells them ‘I don’t think your mother likes me’, they poo poo the idea. ‘Of course she likes you,’ they will reassure her with an indulgent laugh. ‘She loves me. I love you. How could she not love you, too?’

Wedding Speech
Speaking of speaking, we all know that practice makes perfect. As we hear this or that speaker stand in front of the hot lights of television, we wonder in admiration at both the eloquence and the proficiency of the performance. Is this person one of the lucky ones, born to impress?

The Girl Who Refuses to Marry
In one of Jane Austen’s book we learn that the usual way of getting the daughters married in those times, was to have them enter society one at a time. Once the older one was safely married, then you would introduce the next one into the society. And so on from the eldest to the youngest. If you were to let all your daughters out at the same time, they would, in effect, be competing for the same same eligible bachelors.

I Take You to be My Second Husband
It was a suggestion, no doubt circulated by a widow, that a widow made a much better wife than some young thing marrying for the first time. After all, experience always matters. For many people widows, from Mrs. Robinson down, hold a certain fascination, not untinged by fear. But despite their promotional efforts, it has always been an uphill fight for the widow.

These are Their Stories
It would be true to say that these days more than 50% of all couples who eventually marry, are already living together. In that state of marriage without licence they may go ahead and buy a house together, set up the house with all those bits and pieces that transform a house into a home, and might even acquire a child or two.

For many people a wedding is a time for self-expression, not to say, showing off. In particular, the wedding cake tends to be the medium through which they tell their stories.

The Greater the Dowry, the Greater the Love
Although we think of dowries as an old fashioned custom where the parents need to add to the bride’s charms by bribing the groom or his family with a few essentials such as a cow or two, in many countries where the woman’s status is no different than it was centuries ago, the custom continues with some very tragic twists.

The Dress that Dreams are Made Of
When it comes to the wedding dress, problems will pop up whether you’re a beggar or a Queen.

As the potential monarch of England, Princess Elizabeth was expected to put on a royal show on her wedding day despite the bleak economic outlook of the country which affected her as much as anybody else.

Weddings, the Pioneering Ways
In Westward the Women, we encounter the first mail-order bride. A host of women set out into uncharted territories to find themselves a better life and a husband in the rich lands of California.

One of the many problems that a newly arrived bride encounters in a foreign country is the inability to communicate in the language of her partner. But at least they can get married and try. In the colonial times of early American history, even tying the knot wasn’t that easy.

I Feel Pretty
The tradition is that the bride always steals the show, as the wedding day is the bride’s day. Well, not always.

Till Death Us Do Part
Every bride and groom is into personalized vows. They want to have their little say about what love and marriage means to them – and they want the whole world to know. Some of these vows, dragged out of love-filled hearts, are a pleasure to listen to. Others, just dragged out, make painful listening. The profundity is somehow lost in the open air of a wedding day.

If You Really Loved Me
While the search for love is universal and often thought to be synonymous with happiness, there seems something within the human psych that refuses to feel worthy of either. Somehow, no matter how well life treats lovers, they invariably manage to spoil it all by saying something stupid best unsaid.

When Gifts Simply Won't Do
It would be true to say that these days more than 50% of all couples who eventually marry, are already living together. In that state of marriage without licence they may go ahead and buy a house together, set up the house with all those bits and pieces that transform a house into a home, and might even acquire a child or two.

Then comes the decision to make the union a legal one, and the planning of the wedding day itself.

Wedding Toasts
Weddings are full of them. Exchanging rings. Exchanging roses. Tying hands with ribbons. Merging coloured sands. Lighting candles. Releasing doves or butterflies. Ringing bells and kissing chimney sweeps. But when it comes to real drama, no symbol can match smashing a glass or two.

Wedding with a Difference
Russell Crowe tied the knot with Danielle Spencer, the wedding had the glitter you expect from well-known personalities.

It started with the groom’s gift of some $13 million dollars to his intended, and went on pretty well from there.

A Priceless Pearl
I remember reading a book, whose title escapes me, about a good time girl who decided to go straight. And that she was successful was shown in the last pages of the book when she was described as dressed in a little black dress, wearing the understated elegance of a string of pearls. Pearls, it seemed, showed quiet arrival, unlike the diamond’s vulgar swagger.

Look, Don't Eat!
If we were quite candid, despite all the hoop la surrounding the wedding cake, there’s a lot of people out there who hate the taste and the texture of the traditional wedding cake. But it’s like everything else, if everyone has a wedding cake, then we can’t go against the grain and not have a wedding cake. I mean, what would people say. It’s the done thing. Everyone has a wedding cake so, of course, we, who hate the cake, and won’t be eating it, will, nonetheless, have a cake at our wedding.

Virginia is for Lovers
It’s hard to decide whether Virginia is for lovers or not. Apparently it is one of the few remaining American states where state laws are still deciding the sexual morality – or lack thereof – of their citizens. Perhaps it was correctly named, valuing as it does the sanctity of marriage, and the celibacy of those who choose to remain single. Apparently in Virginia, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

However, while out of step with the lax moral habits of the citizens of the majority of other American states, Virginia’s history is certainly filled with love and romance.

Robbing the Cradle
What has Joan Collins, Madonna and the wife of Karl Marx in common? Give up?

Who Needs a Marriage Certificate?
There are couples who set up a home, have children, and are husband and wife in every way, except one. They haven’t taken the final step of making their commitment a legal one. As they will explain to anyone who wants to know, they see no necessity for this. Their commitment to each other is genuine enough without the piece of paper.

But one might argue, if that piece of paper is so unimportant, why do they avoid it so much?

And a Never-Ending Good Fortune to You
Over the years brides have carried in their hands all sorts of things. The religious bride, for example, getting married in church, liked to carry a prayer book, decorated with ribbons and flowers. Sometimes this was made particularly spectacular when the ribbon was placed within the prayer book and the ribbons allowed to float down to the hem of the dress. Creative brides would decorate the ribbon with a thin wreath of flower buds, or greenery, seemingly a part of the bridal dress.

Rice or Rice Balls
Guards of Honour for a bride and groom have come in all sizes and shapes.

There has been the one we are most used to seeing – officers forming a path of honour by having their swords drawn over the heads of the bride and groom.

Policemen have been known to use their truncheons, or their helmets, for the same reason.

Then there’s been the bridesmaids and their parasols, hockey players and their hockey sticks, and boat enthusiasts and their oars.

Padlocks of the Heart
Remember ‘Calamity Jane’, when Doris Day , racing from behind a rock, to stand in front of a tree, flying off to lean against another tree, all the while singing away about her secret love for Wild Bill Hickok?

No doubt, there would be a time when Bill and Jane would reenter the little woodland, or whatever it was, and Bill, unsheathing his Bowie knife, would slash out a heart in the bark of ‘Black Hills’ White Spruce, or Ponderosa Pine, and whittle out Bill loves Jane XXX.

Honeymoon or Honeymead. It's Sweet.
The Babylonians swear they were drinking mead when the rest of the world hadn’t even been discovered. Both the Greeks and the Romans deny such a possibility. And the Irish state, unequivocally, before the Irish Mead, there was no mead. Say, what you will, though, mead has always been part of the wedding tradition.

There is the story, totally unprovable as most of these stories are, that part of the deal of taking his daughter off his hands, the Babylonian groom expected his dad-in-law, to provide him with mead for a month after his marriage. Don’t ask me why a father would do that, but there you go.